Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
