Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
