So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
