I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
