So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
