She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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