I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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