Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
