So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
