I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
