Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
