I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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