I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love black thongs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
