let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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