Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
