life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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