Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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