And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
