she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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