Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
