You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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