Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
