ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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