Me. At least after what I've been through.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
