so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
