I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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