well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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