We named our party play list daddy issues
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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