You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
