yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize