I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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