My hand turned me down
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize