I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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