Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize