I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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