this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
