oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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