i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize