Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
