I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
