i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
