so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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