mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
