OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
