When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
