Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
