Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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