it was like eating out sand paper
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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