Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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