i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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