I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
