i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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