i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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