so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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