They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize