yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i think my cat just said my name.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
