She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
