You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
