my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
