I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
