i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
love makes seman taste better
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
