based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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