I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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