I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
