sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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