Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
