I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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