Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
