You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
